The Lavender Menace, part 1
I've been frustrated for a while, and I only just now figured it out. Y'see, even though I'm a lesbian*, I'm not and never have been sexually aroused by so-called "lesbian" pornography, and I can't see why anyone would, despite claims of being aroused by two women even more than one. My mind came 'round to social gender differences, and the phenomena of young women being aroused by gay men in situations that will never include them.
I realised that it was due to social structure. Premise: men are taught to be self-centric, while women are taught to be other-centric. (I am an anomaly in women; I'm pretty much an even balance of the two, while being slightly more self-centric.) I'll explain:
"Lesbian" pornography is typified by women who are not actually lesbian; they are just waiting for a "real man" to come along and give them a bit 'o dick. As such, you can see them regularly using methods that are not at all arousing to actual lesbians; dildos (especially large ones) and all manner of phallic penetration. If this doesn't seem counterintuitive, ask yourself: why would a "lesbian" be attracted to something phallic? So begins the allure for the self-centric person; men (the viewer in particular) are found attractive even by those that would not, in real life, be attracted to their "most important" bits. The message here is: penises are irresistable, and by implication, the viewer's penis is irresistable.
The scene usually progresses to a point where a man comes in and the three of them get down to it, and by "it" I mean sex. It's generally your average threesome scene: woman gives another woman oral while that woman gives the man oral, or the women lick each other while the man fucks them, or both women are focused on the man. Typical of pornography, the man is not really interested in the women -- he's interested in fucking them, or (in the ever-increasing violent cases) hurting them, or in his own conquest in them. In other words, the man is being self-centric; he is uninterested in the women's selves in any way.
But this progression of the scene leads to a darker premise: if lesbians are only given the right dick, they will Learn To Love A Man. The implication of many scenes of this and other types of porn is that it doesn't matter if that dick is given or forced (since acting rape victims in pornography almost always begin to like it).
The even broader implication of these kinds of films is that there is no such thing as a valid female sexuality without a man involved; this may, in fact, be why there is no mention of lesbianism in the Bible... because women's sexuality was not valid, and therefore not a threat to a man.
If a woman did turn down a man in favour of another woman, this would be seen as a threat (and therefore unarousing to the viewer, who is wanting the woman to be portrayed as sex-hungry in order to get his orgasm); the woman would be defying the law of Man Fucks Woman; Subject Verb Object. The same goes for male homosexuality; this is, I believe, why there is so much uproar about it -- it violates the "golden rule" of our society.
Now, on to women. Women are raised to be primarily other-centric, whether it's children, parents, or some other family members. Women are expected to be the sharing and nurturing ones (instead of rightfully placing this expectation on every human). Thus, it comes as no surprise to me that women are aroused by a gay relationship with no hope of ever having them be part of it (unlike a man's fantasy).
I don't think it has anything to do with the fantasy being "safe" by not including them; I think it's all internalisation of society's norms. In the typified gay relationship fantasy, there are also "roles" of a "seme" (or dominant) and "uke" (or submissive), the roles that are quite clearly present and expected of women even in this "advanced" age**.
How many of you, reading this, have heard of a man faking an orgasm to please his lover? I have heard of one case. ONE. And many, many more cases of women faking orgasms (a highly counterproductive action, by the way. Gruls (misspelling purposeful), if he's so insecure that he can't bear to think he's not making you come -- or has to learn how to -- lose him!).
To put it simply; women have learned throughout their lives to get pleasure in the pleasure of others. Men generally learn this much later than women. Thus, women can find the pleasure of others arousing, while men (at least the ones that I've met) must be included in that pleasure.
More on this later.
*Technically bisexual, but lesbian politically and in practice, and slowly losing any interest in men anyways because of the stupidity and bigotry I've seen displayed by them. Judging a book by its cover? Perhaps. But how easy do you think it is to find a vegan/vegetarian, anti-porn, pagan man?
**I'm sorry, I can't call a pro-porn, anti-animal and anti-woman era "advanced", no matter its technological level.
I realised that it was due to social structure. Premise: men are taught to be self-centric, while women are taught to be other-centric. (I am an anomaly in women; I'm pretty much an even balance of the two, while being slightly more self-centric.) I'll explain:
"Lesbian" pornography is typified by women who are not actually lesbian; they are just waiting for a "real man" to come along and give them a bit 'o dick. As such, you can see them regularly using methods that are not at all arousing to actual lesbians; dildos (especially large ones) and all manner of phallic penetration. If this doesn't seem counterintuitive, ask yourself: why would a "lesbian" be attracted to something phallic? So begins the allure for the self-centric person; men (the viewer in particular) are found attractive even by those that would not, in real life, be attracted to their "most important" bits. The message here is: penises are irresistable, and by implication, the viewer's penis is irresistable.
The scene usually progresses to a point where a man comes in and the three of them get down to it, and by "it" I mean sex. It's generally your average threesome scene: woman gives another woman oral while that woman gives the man oral, or the women lick each other while the man fucks them, or both women are focused on the man. Typical of pornography, the man is not really interested in the women -- he's interested in fucking them, or (in the ever-increasing violent cases) hurting them, or in his own conquest in them. In other words, the man is being self-centric; he is uninterested in the women's selves in any way.
But this progression of the scene leads to a darker premise: if lesbians are only given the right dick, they will Learn To Love A Man. The implication of many scenes of this and other types of porn is that it doesn't matter if that dick is given or forced (since acting rape victims in pornography almost always begin to like it).
The even broader implication of these kinds of films is that there is no such thing as a valid female sexuality without a man involved; this may, in fact, be why there is no mention of lesbianism in the Bible... because women's sexuality was not valid, and therefore not a threat to a man.
If a woman did turn down a man in favour of another woman, this would be seen as a threat (and therefore unarousing to the viewer, who is wanting the woman to be portrayed as sex-hungry in order to get his orgasm); the woman would be defying the law of Man Fucks Woman; Subject Verb Object. The same goes for male homosexuality; this is, I believe, why there is so much uproar about it -- it violates the "golden rule" of our society.
Now, on to women. Women are raised to be primarily other-centric, whether it's children, parents, or some other family members. Women are expected to be the sharing and nurturing ones (instead of rightfully placing this expectation on every human). Thus, it comes as no surprise to me that women are aroused by a gay relationship with no hope of ever having them be part of it (unlike a man's fantasy).
I don't think it has anything to do with the fantasy being "safe" by not including them; I think it's all internalisation of society's norms. In the typified gay relationship fantasy, there are also "roles" of a "seme" (or dominant) and "uke" (or submissive), the roles that are quite clearly present and expected of women even in this "advanced" age**.
How many of you, reading this, have heard of a man faking an orgasm to please his lover? I have heard of one case. ONE. And many, many more cases of women faking orgasms (a highly counterproductive action, by the way. Gruls (misspelling purposeful), if he's so insecure that he can't bear to think he's not making you come -- or has to learn how to -- lose him!).
To put it simply; women have learned throughout their lives to get pleasure in the pleasure of others. Men generally learn this much later than women. Thus, women can find the pleasure of others arousing, while men (at least the ones that I've met) must be included in that pleasure.
*Technically bisexual, but lesbian politically and in practice, and slowly losing any interest in men anyways because of the stupidity and bigotry I've seen displayed by them. Judging a book by its cover? Perhaps. But how easy do you think it is to find a vegan/vegetarian, anti-porn, pagan man?
**I'm sorry, I can't call a pro-porn, anti-animal and anti-woman era "advanced", no matter its technological level.
posted by Avian Mooch, or a Really Angry Cow at
4:58 PM
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